Happy Valentine's Day!!

Happy Valentine's Day to the babies in the NICU and their families. Three years ago, we celebrated Valentine's Day with our son Bentley in the NICU!

This is Bentley NOW, a cute little Valentine Mail Man!

Restless

(This was the first time I got to hold Bentley after his birth- It was at least a week)

Yesterday, I received a phone call from a dear friend that has brought back a flood of memories. It has caused my mind to be restless and prayerful. Yesterday morning, a friend from church gave birth to a baby girl named Adah. Immediately they noticed she was struggling to breathe and called EMS.

Adah has a tear in her lung and the hospital they were at did not have the machines needed to repair this tear. They transported Adah to another hospital last night, to perform a very serious surgery in which the lungs are bypassed and oxygen is put directly into the lungs. Sound familiar? All too familiar. Though we did not have to transport Bentley to another hospital, and the extent of the tear in his lung were fixable through inserting tube to pull out the excess air being leaked out of the hole, it's still close to home! Odd, providence, that we just celebrated Bentley's 3rd birthday last Friday, and I was looking at all the pictures of him in the NICU remembering. Remembering the smells of the hospital, all the beeping, the large machinery, the nurses, the tubes, the doctors, the time. Now, just 4 days later, we have a family in our church going through the "same thing".

I'm having to cool my jets, there are so many things that I want to say! So many things, that I am remembering. One of the things that came to my mind immediately was all the animosity towards those who chose to birth outside of a hospital. Every time I walked through the NICU doors I felt it. We were the gossip at the nurses station-- it's true, a year later at a OB appointment for Marseille they told me so. I questioned our choices by the comments and the looks on family members faces. These things were just as hard to endure as not having Bentley with me.

My heart is heavy for Jennifer. So many emotions and thoughts that I had when Bentley was born have become so much clearer now. I'm praying for all of them, for healing, but so much more for peace and grace. I know that all of them will come. God is so good. Even if Adah were to leave this earth and be with God, that is healing. As I continue to have a restless mind, I have a peace because He will take care of them so much more than my thoughts and words can.

BMW is joy.

Photo from: http://www.bimmerfile.com/2010/02/

Danny and I recently took a tour of a BMW plant, while we were amazed at their efficiency and what man can do (create robots to make cars!) I was taken aback by the statement that they had posted: BMW is joy.

As it probably is true, that driving a BMW is joyful. I’d take one! I felt like it was a bold statement. However, there was another sign in the building that said Joy is powerful. Yes, I thought, yes it is!

What brings joy to your life? Your husbands kisses, your children’s laughter, giving someone an unexpected present? How about when things aren’t going your way and someone else is joyful about something, then how do you feel? Do you share in their joy or do you have a tinge of jealousy? You see, joy is powerful. It can either bring you life or destroy you.

I recently went through a season where my lack of joy was destroying me. I was jealous of what seemed like everything. I was jealous of those announcing that they were expecting, while I knew and was at peace with the fact that I couldn’t have anymore, jealous of those whose children were healthy, jealous of the pictures people had of their families, jealous of the husbands of friends who did such special things for them. It was getting ugly and petty. Thankfully, God was at work, the GirlTalk blog, a blog that I frequent, was beginning a series on envy and I was convicted. As I worked though the series, I realized the lack of joy and gratefulness that I had and how sinful I was being. Upon my conviction, I closed my facebook account because I realized that I wasted too much time in front of it and just how much that it feed my envy. Then, I began to pray for those I was jealous of.

God worked in me and quickly. In those months of seeking change in this area God showed me true joy and gave me genuine excitement for others joy. God has given me lasting joy. As I reflect on the cross and what He has done for me, I can’t help but have joy. My sins are forgiven and I will live in eternity with Him. I gave into the power of joy and it gave me life.

You have put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound.

–Psalm 4:7

So thanks, BMW for the great reminder!